I used to think that relying on God was a sign of weakness. I thought that I was a stronger person for going it alone. For doing it my way. It never occurred to me that reaching for a drink was a sign of weakness. That, to me, meant that I didn’t need anybody to help get me through. I could take care of myself. It was me and my cocktail against the world.
Well, nine months into my non alcoholic year, I realize that I had it all wrong.
I have come to realize that I am a much stronger person than I ever gave myself credit for. But I have also come to realize that I have not been going it alone. I know that something is sustaining me. Something is always there to pick me up when I fall, a force or energy that I know is there.
I call that energy God. And I believe Jesus when He said “the kingdom of God is within”. Those are the words I focus on now. Because I no longer believe the Christian mantra that we are all sinners in need of saving. To focus on being a sinner quite frankly causes me to resign myself to a life of sin.
But when I focus on the kingdom of God being within me, it causes me to want to aspire to that truth. We all have that energy, that force within us. We all have a flame burning inside us that reminds us that we are part of God’s great and beautiful creation.
And we allow that flame to grow stronger and brighter the more we listen to that voice within and become the person we were created to be. Unfortunately, so many things of this world try to extinquish that flame. Luckily for us, that flame was put there by God. It can never completely go out. But we have to fight like hell to keep it going sometimes.
No, relying on God is not a sign of weakness. Relying on God means embracing the full force of the universe so that when things seem difficult, bleak or hopeless, I can find the strength to put on my armor and cry out to the world “You may beat me yet, but it’s not going to be today…”