I grew up believing that my happiness would come when I found true love. I devoured all the great fairy tales. The princess saved by Prince Charming who swept her off her feet after rescuing her from the evil witch or whatever the particular details of that story happened to be.
So I grew up thinking of myself as the weaker, frail girl who needed rescuing. I didn’t have to worry about anything because my knight in shining armor would ride in on his white stallion and save the day.
But then I got older, and I got married (to my Prince Charming) but he wasn’t always my knight in shining armor. He often didn’t swoop in to rescue me from all the evils of the world and I thought something was missing. It wasn’t enough that he went off to work every day to provide for me and our kids. It wasn’t enough that he came home every night after a long day to the insanity of our lives, willing to help me out where he could.
I wanted more…I wanted the fairy tale. Perfection and bliss. No worries or troubles because my Prince Charming was there to take all of that away from me, so I could live happily ever after. But that’s not my life. I have worries and troubles. I have chores and messiness. And I grew angry and resentful.
I felt alone and I secretly continued to wish for a new Prince Charming. A better one. One who fulfilled my fantasies, who would protect me, take care of me and allow me to live happily ever after in perfection and bliss.
But I have come to realize something (and it only took 46 years). I am not a woman in need of rescuing. I need no knight in shining armor to take care of me. I got lost in the fairy tales of old believing that’s what I needed. And not only do I not need that, I don’t even want it.
My Prince Charming doesn’t need to swoop in and rescue me. He only needs to be my friend, my greatest supporter, he needs to love me through thick and thin, for better for worse, on good hair days and bad, with or without makeup, through PMS and menopause. And that’s what I have.
So I’m the lucky one. I don’t need rescuing because I am not weak or incapable or frail. I am much stronger and far more independent than I have ever given myself credit for. And the best part is, in my fairy tale, I have my own white stallion which I can saddle up all by myself and ride next to my Prince Charming into happily ever after…
Oh Deborah, what a fantastic post...timely too. I really identify with when you describe how when things didn't go the way you imagine (based on unrealistic fairy-tales we are all fed) you grew resentful. I can so identify! I have my days where I feel like this too but I love your post because it hits at the heart of the matter...that resentment is a lack within ourselves, not anybody around us or in our circumstances. Once we see that we become stronger I think!
ReplyDeleteThanks for such a insightful post!