I haven’t thought much about God lately. I think back to Lent when every post was somehow related to my thoughts and feelings about God and now I hardly think about Him at all. I haven’t been to church all summer and I haven’t read my Bible.
I’m tempted to give up on the idea all together. After all, my life doesn’t look that much different with or without Him, so where does He fit in? What’s the point of believing in God anyway?
Is it to give me strength? Because I don’t always feel His presence even during those times when I feel I need Him most. And whether He’s there or not I manage to move forward with my life regardless. So is it Him? Or me?
Is my belief in God simply my get out of jail free card? My ticket into Heaven? Or do I believe in God because He has the answers on how I’m supposed to live my life? Does He know the path I’m supposed to follow and I can only find it through Him? Or is He simply the guy who keeps me in check, keeps me on the straight and narrow, as if the only reason I strive to be a good and moral person is to avoid the wrath of the old man in the sky.
My daughter has just started confirmation class. This is her opportunity to learn about God and Jesus and decide for herself what she believes and if she will follow Him. I’m grateful for this opportunity to watch her go through this process. My hope for her is that she thinks about what she is hearing. That she asks the tough questions and is satisfied with the responses. So that by the end of the year she knows who God is and what it means to believe in Him.
And I will do my best to stand by silently, not imposing my own doubts and cynicism upon her. It’s time for my daughter to formulate her own thoughts and opinions about God and faith and life. And maybe, just maybe, I will learn a little bit more about God through her.