I was watching Housewives of Beverly Hills last night…wait, did I just say that out loud? Ok, yes I am a closet drama junkie. I realize I should engage my brain with loftier pursuits, but I can’t seem to help myself. I love reality TV.
So last night, Taylor, (one of the housewives) was talking about her therapy sessions and one of the other housewife’s husbands indicated that therapy was a sign of weakness. His idea of therapy was basically get over it.
I have been in therapy for years. Personally it suits me. Where else can I talk about myself for an hour knowing that my audience is giving me his complete attention, if only because he is paid to feign interest in my pathetic little life. But I would rather pay to dump on someone than dump all over a friend. That gets old, plus it would require me to reciprocate, which I’m willing to do, but my willingness and ability to do that is closely tied in with my mood at the moment.
So back to the issue of therapy…is it a sign of weakness? Is it a tool of the narcissist? Or is it a valid method to improve my mental health?
I go back and forth. I’m in therapy so obviously I find it helpful on some level or I wouldn’t go, but there are times when I feel that what I need is to get over myself. Nothing like a good swift kick in the pants to get me to focus outward, not inward.
But actually I go to therapy because I have lost confidence in myself and my basic instincts. I doubt my thoughts and my actions and I need someone to tell me I’m on the right track.
I would like to get to the point where I trust myself again. Where I’m confident enough with myself that I realize I have everything I need to decide what’s best for me. I’m just not quite sure how to do it yet…I think I will ask my therapist.