Sometimes I wonder about the things I say in my blog. I read over some of my entries and think, wow, I’ve got it all going on. I’ve got it all figured out and I’m moving forward with perserverance and quiet confidence knowing that in the 20 minutes it takes to share some new piece of my journey, I have the answers.
But I don’t have all the answers. Somedays I have my relationship with God all wrapped up in a nice little package with a pretty bow. But other days, I’m not even sure I believe in God, thinking that I’m quite content to be the master of my destiny and draw from my own strength and look to myself for guidance.
Somedays, I handle things with my kids perfectly, giving myself a pat on the back for a job well done. And other days, I think I don’t even know my own kids. They become unrecognizable and I question if we have a relationship at all. Some days I’m strong, content to go about my business on my own. I am independent and capable and don’t need anyone in my life.
And sometimes I am so lonely as to wonder if there is anyone out there.
And I’m learning as I continue my journey that that the one thing I know for certain is this…I don’t know anything for certain.
Because life isn’t easy, life is challenging and constantly changing.
Which brings me back to wondering about my blog. Is this the real me? Is it the me I wish I was? The me I think I should be? Or is it the me I’m striving to be…
Perhaps throughout my journey I will find those answers. In the meantime, I will continue to do the best I can with the information at hand. I will continue to do my best given my own personal struggles, weaknesses, shortcomings, needs and desires.
And I hope like hell that it’s enough…