Excuses, Excuses

Shortly after 9/11, I convinced myself that the terrorists were going to blow up our bridges. This fear progressed to a full-blown phobia of all of bridges, including overpasses, to the point where I couldn’t drive on any highways.  I consulted my doctor and went on Paxil for about 6 months.  When I felt the time was right to go off the medication I went cold turkey, against the doctor’s advice.

It was a difficult time.  I had incredible dizzy spells and these strange electric zap feelings in my head.  But each morning I would force myself to walk for an hour. By the end of the hour, with cell phone tight in hand in case I fell, I was able to get through my day without side effects.

I learned from that experience and others like it, that once I set my mind to something I do it.  I can be very motivated and driven. And yet,  I often get down on myself about how disorganized I am with bills and housework, and think that I’m lazy and incapable.  I have been making all kinds of excuses for not doing my housework.

“I’m so busy with the kids”

“I’m not good at it.”

“I never learned how to be a good housekeeper.”

“I have ADD, my brain doesn’t function right, so it’s impossible for me to be organized.”

I could keep going…

The reality is, though, I don’t do my housework, because there are about 3 million things I would rather be doing.  I simply don’t want to put my energies into cleaning my house. It bores me, it’s unrewarding, and never-ending.

So if I look at all the things I have accomplished, the goals I have met, there really is no excuse for me to not also keep my house clean. It’s not that I can’t do it, I am choosing not to do it…and that’s a very different mindset.