Its been 4 days since my last post. I’m pretty much a daily blogger so that is a little unusual for me. I’m sitting here trying to figure out why. I could say that I have been very busy. One of my two college kids came home this week. That generates extra work for me. More laundry, more grocery shopping, etc. And it was senior banquet on Friday. Also a very busy day to prepare for.
But I always blog. I always have something to say about something. So is it that I have worked out all my issues? I do tend to use my blog as my place to do that. A way to release what is weighing on my heart and my mind. Once it’s here, it doesn’t seem to have the same power over me. Yes, that’s it. I have no more issues to discuss. Life is perfect.
Oh how I wish that were true…
No, I think it’s really a question of how much more do I share. Do I really want to share every last piece of me. The parts of me that are buried so deep, that so truly have come to define who I am and how I view myself, that I’m not sure if I even want to release them.
There is still a place I run to when I feel intimidated and insecure. A place where the walls never quite come down all the way. I will show you just enough to make sure that you still like me, because to reveal everything would surely change your opinion. And I care what other’s think of me. And I hate that I care so much.
So I could blog instead about my daily activities, the senior banquet, my date with my husband last night. I could tell you I mowed the lawn yesterday, hosted the after party for the seniors and went to dance class yesterday. Or I could paraphrase what the pastor spoke of in church this morning.
Or I could go deeper, knock the walls flat to the ground, show you my hiding place and run the risk that you decide you really don’t like me after all. Do I have the strength to do that? Time will tell…