I started the year 2011 making the decision to stop drinking. I was at one of the lowest points in my life and I had to do something. I figured God could do a better job with my life than I was so as a symbolic gesture of giving up control, I gave up drinking for Him.
At that time, I was told by more than one person that I couldn’t and shouldn’t go this alone. That I needed a 12-step program, sponsors, support or I would surely fail. It shook my confidence, and the first couple of months were difficult, because I kept focusing on what I couldn’t have anymore…my beloved cocktail. I kept looking forward to 2012, hoping this year would pass quickly.
But somewhere along the way I started to change. Perhaps by blogging and releasing online all the thoughts in my head that have weighed me down. Perhaps during Lent when my focus was purely on God and putting Him first. Perhaps it was because I have been trying new things, forcing myself out of my comfort zone, causing a rise in my self-confidence and making some great new friends in the process.
Throughout the years, I have worked hard for my family, focusing on being the best mom and wife and I could be. But by trying to please them, I forgot that it’s ok to sometimes please myself, that the love and care that goes into any of my relationships should also be showered upon me. I am starting to get that now.
So forget the people who think I can’t stop drinking on my own, or for that matter, forget those who say I can’t achieve any goal I set for myself. I know I have what it takes within me to do what I say I’m going to do. Not for my husband, not for my kids, not for my friends, or even for my God, but just for me. Because I believe I’m worth it.
So I don’t know what 2012 will bring, but it no longer matters to me. Because I’m not focused on next year, I’m focused on today. And if the world should end tonight, I will leave it with no regrets. No regrets for my past mistakes or my poor choices, because everything that has happened in my life has brought me to where I am right now and to the woman I have become, and I can actually say, maybe for the first time in my life, I kinda like that girl.