I hesitate to write this blog today, because once something ends up here it feels so real. I’m moving forward with a new goal, but before I can do that I think it’s time for some back story.
Four years ago, I decided to volunteer for my local fire department. Yes, as a firefighter. I was 42 at the time. After about a year and a half of training I became a Level 2 Certified Firefighter in my state. Even today, I cannot pinpoint specifically why I chose this particular activity other than I felt called to do it.
During this time, I also took it upon myself to take the state physical assessment test. Not a requirement for volunteers, but I believed that I needed to prove to myself and my department that I could handle the physical demands of this job. This is a timed test. Which I failed. By two seconds.
Two seconds…a blink of an eye, but enough to shatter my confidence. Enough to wipe out the one and half years of training I completed successfully. Enough to make me leave the department, convinced that I was too old and too weak to be a firefighter.
Another year has passed since I left, and still I have no peace. I have only excuses and justifications for why I left, why I can’t return. But God is working here, through some unlikely people I might add. And he’s getting me to face my fears.
So just as I started this blog for accountability on my decision to give up alcohol for one year, I will now use this blog for accountability to stay on task and train once again for what is, by far, the most difficult physical challenge I might ever face.
Feel free to stop me.