Sometimes I think of the woman I was when I held my first son in my arms. I didn’t know what to do. I was scared, terrified actually…and yet so full of love for this little being I just met. And I wish that I knew then what I know now. I wish I was the woman then, that I am today.
But then I think of the nights I spent nursing a fever or calming a frightened child after a nightmare. I think of the thousands of diaper changes and feedings. And as they grew, the thousands of birthday parties and playdates so they could make friends.
I think of nights spent in the hospital with my son while chemotherapy dripped into his bloodstream, unable to tear myself away from his side and yet worrying about how my other kids were faring at home without me. And the many other nights in the emergency room comforting scared little children who were facing stitches or xrays.
I think of the countless hours I spent researching anxiety when my daughter was diagnosed with phobias and OCD, because she was terrified she too would get cancer one day. And the endless visits to doctors to find just the right one to help her.
I think of the books I’ve read along with my kids so I could help them write their papers and study for their tests. Trying time and again to finally figure out how to write a bibliography.
And I think of the travel involved in visiting college campuses, supporting them as they studied for SAT’s and helping them write the best essay they could. And throughout it all, doing my best to give advice on girlfriends, peer pressure, friendships and life.
And I realize that it’s actually because of them that I am the woman I am today.
Amen! You are so right..I've always said that my children taught me and trained me up to be the mom and person I am today....you have been through a lot with your children...I cannot imagine watching one of mine go through cancer and chemo and that whole ordeal...your children are blessed to have you as their mom...just wait until you get to be a grandma...you will not only love it but you will be wonderful at it! XX
ReplyDeleteSo beautiful Deborah. I also can not imagine what you must have went through with your son.
ReplyDeleteThis post really encourages me because as a mother just starting out, I am glad to hear we learn as we go...I think I do a miserable job a lot of the time and seem to make numerous small, huge, mistakes and quite honestly, I feel really unequal to the task of raising a faith-filled, Godly son in today's world...the challenges seem so enormous, especially when I see to get so impatient over tiny things throughout the day...sigh...:)
Anyway, thanks for this post! It encourages me!
Beautiful and inspiring -as usual.
ReplyDeleteI really love that you are a blogger on the other side of childhood, but that you are facing your own re-growing.
I agree Lori, I think I've learned more from them! Or maybe we are both learning together as we go...I look forward to becoming a grandmother, but not quite yet!! :)
ReplyDeleteColleen...I'm glad this encourages you. Being a mom is definitely on-the-job training. And with each child I have made different choices, based on their individual personalities. To your comment of being unequal to the task, I see the love you have for God and for your son...it's so evident...you will make mistakes, but that love will get you through them. I've made plenty of mistakes along the way and my kids are only to happy to let me know about it :)
Annabelle...you always leave such kind comments...I love how you said that about facing my own re-growing. I think that's awesome! Thank you! :)