There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anaïs Nin

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Judge and Jury

     There is a woman in my life I find rather intimidating.  She is much farther along in her spiritual journey than I am, and therefore, I have done her the disservice of assuming she was judging me.  Instead of trying to get to know her better, I have kept my walls up when I’m around her.  I thought if she knew the real me, she would disapprove of me, my lifestyle and my choices.

      Today, however, I learned something about her that allowed us to connect on a new level and I was grateful for our open and honest exchange.  By convincing myself that she was judging me, it never occurred to me that I was judging her.  And in doing so, I have been missing the opportunity to get to know her on a deeper level.

      How often do I make that mistake?  How often do I miss an opportunity to get to know someone because I have already predetermined who they are and what they must be thinking about me? 

      I have struggled with my faith for most of my life.  I have used my doubts and questions to keep a safe distance from God.  Why does he allow evil? Why do bad things happen to good people? Is there a judgment day? Will I have to face Him one day and answer for my life?  For years it seemed better to avoid the whole thing than to wrestle with those questions.

      Much like the woman I was with today, I have been unwilling to really get to know who God is, unwilling to break down the walls and enter into a deeper relationship for fear that He has already judged me.  In fact, I have been so fearful of His judgment that I have been judging Him.

      The two greatest commandments God has given are simply love God and love your neighbor.  But how do I show my love for God?  Perhaps it’s by loving my neighbor…to leave the fear of judgment behind and create the opportunity for open and honest exchange.  To enter into a relationship…


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  2. Sorry, the last comment was too wordy.

    I want to suggest that you try reading the Bible. God will calm your spirit and mind if you open your heart to HIM. Walk with Jesus, and forget about being "spiritual". What you face in life is no different from any other middle aged woman. Jesus is our only way to peace and salvation. Get to know the Lord and you will discover your purpose.

  3. I disagree...while we sometimes share similar circumstances, there is no other middle aged woman who will travel the exact same road as me. We are each unique individuals. But you are right, I do believe God knows my purpose. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 (One of my favorite Bible verses)
    Thanks for commenting :)

  4. I wrote you a long comment late last night when I couldn't sleep and wouldn't you know that as I clicked post comment something happened and it was lost...damm it was a good

    Breaking down the walls and really getting to know God is a great start...I know that once I took down the walls I had up, I was open to receive what he had for me...I think you are right, loving your neighbor is a great way to show God you love him...there was a time that I thought I had to be a certain way or look a certain way in order for God to love me, let alone for me to really love him. I've since learned that God see's beyond all of the outside stuff to what really matters...our hearts...I too disagree with the previous commenter.. us "middle age women" are not the same nor are we looking for the same things in life.

    Once again, I appreciate your honest sharing...that verse in Jeremiah is one of my favorites too....happy seeking my friend. XX