I have been curious about God my whole life. Ever since my well intentioned Born- Again Christian friend told me I was going to Hell, I have tried to understand Him and why He would punish a nine year old girl for all eternity.
At that time, I couldn’t understand words like love and forgiveness as they related to God. The God I met was an angry God, a tyrant. So I turned my back on Him the day I discovered that I could escape His wrath with a bottle of Budweiser.
It wasn’t until I was married with children that I gave the idea of God another chance. I was determined to get to know Him. So I read everything I could get my hands on. I read the Bible, I studied all the major religions…Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Islam. I read books like The Secret, books about the Universe, positive and negative forces and energy.
And I got more and more confused. How does someone get to know God? Not an author’s version of God, or a friend’s version, or even a pastor’s version of God. How does one get to know God’s version of God?
As I reflected on that question, it became clear to me that I haven’t given God a chance. I have not been willing to hear from Him personally by sitting quietly and listening. I don’t “sit” well. I like to fill my time with distractions and my biggest distraction is alcohol. The thing I have used for most of my life to keep God at arm’s length. It is my idol.
Upon recognizing this I had a talk with Him that went like this…
“Ok God, I’m not ready to surrender my life to you, but I am willing to surrender all alcoholic beverages. I will give you a year.”
That was pretty much the whole conversation.
Its been two weeks and I haven’t heard a thing, but yesterday, I was in my car on the way home from dropping my son at college and as I drove in silence I realized that while I gave up my cocktail hour (which really only lasted 20 minutes} I filled in that time with other distractions. TV, music, trips to Starbucks. I think I am missing the point.
So I’ve agreed to give my complete and undivided attention to God during what used to be my cocktail 20 minutes. Perhaps now I will finally get to know Him….