There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anaïs Nin

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Reality Sets In

      When I first made the decision to quit drinking for a year, I was filled with a sense of excitement. The kind that comes with any new venture. But reality has all too quickly settled in.  Allow me to recap my first week.  During the first few days, I was still riding on the high of setting a new challenge for myself. But then it was date night.  My husband and I instituted date night several years ago. As our kids got older and started going out on the weekends, Scott and I wanted to be home, so we started going out on Wednesday nights. It is our time to get away from the kids, reconnect, and talk about...well...the kids.
      Some nights it's dinner and a movie, and sometimes just dinner. But always, there's cocktails involved. A couple martinis, a bottle of wine. Very special. Very romantic.  So I have to be honest and tell you that date night and gingerale just don't mix.   The dialog in my head went something like this...  
          "Do I really want to stop drinking completely? Or just cut back. I mean it is date night
            after all... I could JUST drink on Wednesdays, that will make it even more special.  I'm
            only doing this for myself. I can make up the rules as I go along. Whatever works for me,

So I marched into that restaurant and ordered a gingerale.

        Friday night was the next big challenge. I can't remember the last Friday night that I didn't have a drink.  The whole wonderful event of celebrating the end of another week. A roaring fire, nice dinner, and very well chilled double martini.  Again with the mind chatter about the rules, my reward for getting through the first week, but I dug my heels in and poured myself a glass of water.

     But here's the thing, its now Sunday morning, January 9th.  And I am still waking up feeling like I'm hungover.  Where's the vitality??  The sense of well-being?? The clear-headedness? (I don't know if that's a word but my head is too foggy to come up with something else).  I don't feel any better off the booze than on it.  Is this some kind of cruel joke?  Are evil forces at work here?  Today, I am not asking how to give up alcohol for a year, but why....

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