There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anaïs Nin

Saturday, January 8, 2011

The Trials and Tribulations of Mid-Life

Have you ever woken up on any random morning and wondered about your life?  And by that, of course, I mean what happened to your life?  I'm not complaining about the things I have. I love my kids, I have a great husband, but is it wrong to wonder about what else there might be? I suppose this is the makings of a midlife crisis. The only problem is how many midlife crises is a person entitled to have. I am 46 and I seem to be having alot of them. Or perhaps its just been one long crisis.  I chose to stay home and raise my kids so I haven't "worked" (as is always so eloquently pointed out to me) in 20 years.  Now that my kids are older I have the luxury of deciding what I want to do with the rest of my life.  I haven't figured that out yet, but I have made a critical decision for myself.
On January 1, 2011, exactly 8 days ago, I made the decision to stop drinking for the entire year.  Now, I wouldn't necessarily consider myself an alcoholic but I do love to drink. I'm really good at it. After all, I've been doing it since I was 13 so I have had a significant amount of practice.  I don't actually remember a time I didn't drink except during my four pregnancies, with one exception. Last year, on my 45th birthday, I made the decision to stop drinking. I journaled every day. And I learned alot about myself in the process, but about three months later, as the holidays approached I decided that it was time to venture back into the world of alcohol seeing as I so clearly did not have a drinking problem and could obviously control it. Hmmm...
Fast forward to the holiday season again, and I have found myself back to where I started. Although this time the drink of choice was vodka rather than chardonnay. For some reason drinking a double martini every night seemed so much more socially acceptable than a bottle of Kendall Jackson.
So this brings me to today...
I am 8 days into the New Year (as we all are) and I have again made the commitment to take alcohol out of my life for one year.  While I journaled the last time, I did not blog. I am hoping the public accountability will keep me on track and in the process maybe I will discover what it is I am supposed to do with the rest of my life...

5 comments:

  1. Deb,


    You are a brave one to go this alone, but if you start to feel the pressure-

    http://www.12step.org/

    Good luck!

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  2. Thank you for the kind wishes!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Just found your blog, and am so glad I did...I'm approaching 40 rapidly, kids are in school, and I am trying to figure out what's next. look forward to reading more here about your journey.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hmmm, I'm definitely intrigued.

    Looking forward to catching up.

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  5. Your email is unlisted so I could not email you but I wanted to thank you for sharing about your son being a cancer survivor. I believe god has special plans for each of those he saves and I pray all goes well with him. I looked for a posting re him but didn't find one so I just commented here. Now you can delete it since it is unrelated to your post.
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete

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