Yesterday afternoon I was surfing the internet and I came across a website that had a list of very inspirational stories and poems. The sun was streaming into the room, I felt warm and cozy and as I read these stories I felt so peaceful. But my moment of solitude was suddenly interrupted by the loud barks of my dog and I realized my daughter probably hadn’t fed her.
I yelled down the stairs for her to please feed the dogs and when she didn’t respond quickly enough I snapped at her. Here I was reading these beautiful stories about God and love and human kindness and in my heart I was so inspired but none of that translated into my actions.
Several hours later, I took my daughter and her two friends ice skating. Unfortunately, Rachael fell on the ice and hit her head so hard she blacked out. Concerned that she had a concussion I drove her to the hospital to get checked out. And as I was sitting in the emergency room comforting her, I thought about my reaction when I yelled at her earlier that day.
How many times have I lost my patience with my kids? Or yelled at them for something small like a poor grade, or missing curfew because I was tired or in a bad mood. Treating them in a way that I would never treat my friends or the random people I encounter throughout my day.
And how many more times have I asked God to reveal to me His plan for my life. Should I volunteer here or there, God? Should I return to work? Should I go back to school? What is it that You have planned for me. Constantly asking, seeking, searching with an intensity that would drive anyone crazy. I have grown frustrated with God’s silence.
And I realized as I sat in that hospital room, with my daughter’s hand in mine, maybe God isn’t concerned about what I do. Maybe he is much more interested in who I become. And perhaps he is not being silent but simply waiting for me to hear what He has been saying all along… whatever you do, work at it with all your heart.