Lent Day Twenty Two - The Lighter Side of Life

“And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live”  -  The Rose

It’s a little more than halfway through Lent.  I have put my focus on God for the last 21 days, and He has been faithful.  Helping me with my questions, my doubts, my fears.  I have taken them all to Him and while I am sure I will never run out of questions, or be satisfied with some of the responses, I am reaching a point where I can let go of the doubt and just trust.  Trust that God knows what He is doing, that He is in control, which frees me up from feeling like I have to be in control.

Having said that, I look back over my life.  And how much time I have spent focused on figuring out God, Christianity, religion.  And I wonder how much of that has been driven by this fear that was instilled in me as a little girl about Hell.  It’s been difficult for me to overcome what I internalized in my childhood.  And I wonder how much this fear, which expressed itself as a fear of dying, has kept me from fully living.

People often talk of their bucket lists.   A friend asked me today what’s on my bucket list and I said I don’t have one.  I actually don’t have a bucket list.   I definitely don’t need to go sky  diving or bungee jumping to make my life complete, but I couldn’t in that moment think of anything that I dreamed of doing, or that I was passionate enough about to make sure I do it before I die. My friend, on the other hand, proceeded to count off ten things on his list.

So what does it mean exactly to put God first.  I have been reading my Bible, going to Bible studies, retreats, focusing on His word and practicing service.  All good things but what about enjoying life.  Just living life as a way to honor God.  Enjoying his creation, enjoying friends, good food, seeing the world.  In other words doing something just because. 

I think its time to make up my own bucket list.   And if I can muster up the courage, maybe I’ll even knock a few items off of it.