There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anaïs Nin

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Lent Day Twenty Two - The Lighter Side of Life

“And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live”  -  The Rose

It’s a little more than halfway through Lent.  I have put my focus on God for the last 21 days, and He has been faithful.  Helping me with my questions, my doubts, my fears.  I have taken them all to Him and while I am sure I will never run out of questions, or be satisfied with some of the responses, I am reaching a point where I can let go of the doubt and just trust.  Trust that God knows what He is doing, that He is in control, which frees me up from feeling like I have to be in control.

Having said that, I look back over my life.  And how much time I have spent focused on figuring out God, Christianity, religion.  And I wonder how much of that has been driven by this fear that was instilled in me as a little girl about Hell.  It’s been difficult for me to overcome what I internalized in my childhood.  And I wonder how much this fear, which expressed itself as a fear of dying, has kept me from fully living.

People often talk of their bucket lists.   A friend asked me today what’s on my bucket list and I said I don’t have one.  I actually don’t have a bucket list.   I definitely don’t need to go sky  diving or bungee jumping to make my life complete, but I couldn’t in that moment think of anything that I dreamed of doing, or that I was passionate enough about to make sure I do it before I die. My friend, on the other hand, proceeded to count off ten things on his list.

So what does it mean exactly to put God first.  I have been reading my Bible, going to Bible studies, retreats, focusing on His word and practicing service.  All good things but what about enjoying life.  Just living life as a way to honor God.  Enjoying his creation, enjoying friends, good food, seeing the world.  In other words doing something just because. 

I think its time to make up my own bucket list.   And if I can muster up the courage, maybe I’ll even knock a few items off of it.


  1. Would love to read what you come up with for your bucket list, but your heart is in the right place with putting God first, honoring him and making him known. I believe that is our purpose here in this thing called life!!


  2. Oooh yes, please share that Bucket List.:)

    I haven't really written one myself although my goals are many and varied.:)