I am a bit of a control freak. I like things done my way and on my time frame. So last night when I was ready to turn out the lights and go to bed I was mildly disturbed that my husband was using my computer and I wanted everything off before I could sleep.
The dialog went like this…
“Are you finished? I would like to shut the computer down and go to sleep.”
“Yea in a minute, I’m watching something.”
(1 minute pause)
“Well, how long is it going to take?”
“I don’t know.”
(1 minute pause)
“Just ‘cuz I’m really tired.”
I could feel the tension in my body rising. Not because I really needed to turn the lights off in that moment but because I was not getting my way. But just as I was about to berate him for being inconsiderate, I heard a voice in my head. A voice that reminded me about the words I had read earlier that day in my Bible about patience and kindness.
Those are not the words that usually come to my mind when I think of God. The God I knew was full of vengeance. Hellfire and damnation kept me from loving Him at all. By continuing to fear God, I could easily dismiss Him. Especially when He was asking me to do something I didn’t want to do, like put someone else’s needs before my own.
But lately, the messages have been different. As I read my Bible I am getting to know a different God. One that loves me, that forgives me, one that accepts me right where I am. And I can’t dismiss this God.
So I resisted the urge to start an argument, not to gain favor with God, or because I would in any way benefit, but for what may be the first time in my life, I simply wanted to do what Jesus would do.