I was looking through some old pictures of myself when I was about 25 pounds heavier than I am now. What surprised me was that because I lost the weight so slowly I didn’t realize how much heavier I actually was. I guess sometimes we change without even realizing how much we are changing.
Around that same time, I had coffee with a friend who shared with me her relationship with Jesus. When she finished talking I said “you sound like you know Him personally, like He’s sitting right next to you.” And she smiled at me, understanding that I just didn’t get it.
Typically in my life, as I experienced hurt or pain, my response was to build a wall around myself. A wall of self protection. Brick by brick over the years I was able to build quite a fortress. Inside this fortress there was no room for God. I was quite stubborn thinking I could handle life on my own, thank you very much.
But there came a time, when I realized that not only was this wall keeping me safely inside, but it was also keeping others, including God, safely outside. And I was lonely. Even in a crowd of people, I was lonely. Disconnected somehow. So I took a leap of faith and removed one brick. And by doing so, although not realizing it at the time, I let God in.
God, who I thought had long since abandoned me, was just waiting patiently outside the wall. And though it took years, that one little gesture I made toward God, has allowed Him to do His work. Even at times when I was completely unaware. Much like looking at myself in that old photo and not realizing that I had changed.
Today, I had a conversation with another friend. A friend who is struggling with God, asking the same questions I once asked. And I talked to Him about Jesus, and who Jesus is to me and he said “you sound like you know Him personally, like He’s sitting right next to you.” And I smiled, realizing that I finally get it.