There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anaïs Nin

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Lent Day Thirty Nine - So That They May Have Life

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under Heaven:
A time to be born and a time to die,
A time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
A time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
A time to embrace and a time to refrain,
A time to search and a time to give up,
A time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate
A time for war and a time for peace.
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I have had this idea in my head that there is this perfect version of me, and if I could just become that woman my life would be perfect.  I can see her in my mind.  She is always calm, she never loses her temper, she never makes mistakes, she always pays her bills on time, she keeps her house spotless…in other words…a Stepford Wife.

Over the last few months I thought I had been doing all this changing, getting closer and closer to the woman in my head, but it isn’t me that’s changed its her. Because life is not perfect. And neither am I.  And who wants to be a Stepford wife anyway.  I saw the movie…they’re creepy!

I’m no longer afraid to be myself.  To feel my feelings and express my opinions. So I’m letting my guard down and when I feel sad, I going to let myself feel that. And when I feel happy I’m going to let myself feel that.  Sometimes I will want to celebrate and sometimes I may want to wallow in self pity.

God has helped me to realize that I don’t need to live my life full of “shoulds”.   By His grace, I no longer feel as though my life is supposed to look different than it does. And because of that I no longer feel as if I’m in a crisis.  God has changed my heart.  And just has he opened the eyes of Saul, and renamed him to Paul, so it is time to rename my life. 

Because life isn’t perfect and neither am I.  Life is happy, sad, hard, challenging, fun, exciting, boring, frustrating and unfair…and I’m just livin’ it.


  1. Deborah - This is one of my favorite passages! And I love how you've processed it. Many of us get caught in the trap of reaching for perfection and in the process forget to be ourselves! I tried it and made a hash of things - thankfully I now don't feel the need to try. He's working in me to make me what I am meant to be - and I see He's doing the same wonderful work in you! God bless.

  2. Very profound Deborah!

    I think the only "should" in life is: SHOULD HAVE FUN! All the other things won't matter when I am 80 years old, in the hospital bed reviewing my life.

    New car,Nope. Clean house, not. Thin, not. Money, not. BUT, the memories of the FUN I had, well, those are the things that are PRICELESS.

    Oh happy day!


  3. Thank you ladies for your kind words. Both of your comments seem to go hand in worrying about being perfect, I have taken all the "fun" out of my life. I'm finally learning to lighten up a bit, and not take the whole thing so seriously! :)